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Citizen complaint of the day: A pizza topping even worse than pineapple

A disgusted citizen filed a 311 report after being dive bombed by a seagull at lunch time on West 3rd and C streets in South Boston this afternoon:

Can someone do something about the seagulls? I was sitting outside eating lunch and the damn creature conducted a military grade bombing run. Gaboom, all of a sudden my delicious pizza from broadways best was coated in a stinky & sticky layer of white bird shit shit. Has anyone noticed the birds be shitting more often lately? This wasnt the first time.

Not long after, another squicked-out citizen reported:

In reference to an earlier complaint about seagull defecation, I also witnessed a severe Seagull defecation attack on an older gentleman this afternoon, they literally chased him across Marine Park , exploding on this poor fellow, it was truly a sight to behold , I'm not sure what's going on whether it's the Sully's food or what and I don't know why a flock of birds decided to attack this man with dung either but it stinks, say a prayer for him that he was able to get home alright.

However, this report was accompanied by a still from the bird scene from Mel Brooks's "High Anxiety," and that involved pigeons, not seagulls, so we're a bit suspicious about this one.

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Comments

fended off aggressive seagulls while trying to enjoy a North Shore roast beef sandwich and fries on Revere Beach, you haven't lived a proper Kelly's moment: the expansion outlets don't measure up. Same goes for the Lower End and the Seaport.

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Voting closed 26

I was bitten by a seagull once at Revere Beach 20+ years ago--took the T out specifically to walk the beach and eat at Kelly's in late September. As I was nomming away, a gull flew down and perched near me on the ledge of the shelter, so I occasionally tossed it a small french fry, until I moved my arm to throw one and it went *CHOMP!* on my right middle finger. Yes, it hurt; no, it didn't break the skin, which is good, because I wasn't looking forward to explaining that one at the MGH ER.

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Voting closed 5

Gulls are protected birds.

That protection isn't absolute--airports can stop gulls, geese, etc. from nesting where they might interfere with air traffic--but other than that, there's not much besides not feeding them, and asking your neighbors not to.

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Voting closed 14

It could have been anchovies on the pizza.

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Voting closed 17

At a place I worked, someone would make a lunchtime run on payday, bringing back our choice of pizza. My participation ended the day mine arrived with a band-aid sticking out of the cheese. A used band-aid.

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There are people who feed these flying rats on a daily basis. Being mistaken for one of these persons can be terrifying! The gulls circle and fly very low above them. The birds seem to "poop" randomly at anytime. Of course any visible food also attracts the unwanted beggars! One eye on your lunch and one eye towards the sky.

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Voting closed 14

Like other birds, seagulls have no sphincter muscles. They cannot control when they poop; in fact, they may be unaware of the event.

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Voting closed 12

I've seen birds sitting on a branch take a shit, and many of them sort of lean forward and lift their tail first. It's a coordinated motion. (And very impressive when it's a hawk.) They may not *care*, though.

I've also heard of people who have trained their pet birds to use a litterbox, and that it mostly works, but they don't expect 100% success.

I'm sure this all varies by species and family, though.

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Voting closed 13

When I listen to most elected officials on both sides speak sagely about virtually any topic, I laugh so hard that, well... People need to stop telling jokes within earshot of the gulls.

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Voting closed 11

Magoo likes asparagus on Magoo’s pizza. Asparagus makes Magoo’s peepee smell funny. Magoo.

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Voting closed 17

I'm glad someone else knows that pineapple is an affront to pizza.

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Voting closed 15

Pineapple and black (California) olive pizza was my favorite when I was a kid.

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Voting closed 14

Lately there's been a few of these types of 311 reports. To me it seems like trolling. They are entertaining though.

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to report the trend.

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say a prayer for him that he was able to get home alright.

I wasn’t aware that bird crap was potentially lethal and rendered its victims unable to move.

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Voting closed 14

Eh, in some cultures it’s considered good luck when a bird shits on you.

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An old legend has it that the Fu bird carries good luck, but you must not wash off its droppings lest the charm be reversed and you be cursed with bad luck. This legend led to the expression, “if the Fu shits, wear it.”

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Voting closed 16

Dad joke of the day!

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About all the pollen from the trees around my house. It seems extra heavy this year...
I'm still waiting for a response. :)

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Voting closed 10