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Town warns residents not to spank the monkey

WBZ reports police in Tewksbury are looking for a monkey that might be roaming the town. A local animal hospital warned resident to stay well away from the animal - and to definitely not touch it - because of the risk the monkey might be infected with potentially deadly herpes B.


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Blindness? Or is that not a thing anymore?


hallucinations and liver failure!

Mother: "Don't do that! It will make you go blind!".

Son: "Can I do it just until I need glasses?".


teed up right in front of you.


The story says it might have Herpes B, which is apparently a monkey thing.

I can't read! Fixed.

And the monkey came from?

You’re full of gems Adam, but this is great!

about shocking monkeys that was forbidden.

Now I'll have that f'ing Peter Gaberiel song in my head for the rest of the day.

Not only is not not forbidden, it is compulsory. And inevitable.

Don't you monkey with the monkey.

Doesn't always stay in Tewksbury. The fact that this warning had to be issued speaks volumes about the borough.

2020 hits different huh

I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore
And make like an Apeman


Because with quarantine and social distancing, I would have racked up many violations by now.

They're massively strong for their size. A small monkey, duly enraged, can mess you up. A chimp could literally tear your arm off.